Trip to the DMV

Well we finally did it…went to the DMV to get our official PA driver’s license. You know there are reasons people avoid the place like the plague…let me add a few more.

It started out innocent enough…we stood in a line for about 15 minutes and then started the transfer process. It wasn’t all that bad, although there were two funny moments. The lady behind the desk when I gave her our address said, “Hmmm that’s a weird name, what’s a Diopside?” I said, “It’s a GEM”. She says, “So do you work out there?” I looked at her funny and she said, “I’m not from around here”…I just shook my head.

Second we had to take an eye test by putting your forehead up against the machine which lit it up and you give the numbers you see. Lisa said, “wow that was weird” and then I sat down to take it. Nervous that I may not pass it, I was relieved when the woman said, read the letters on line 2. There they were in 2 sets of 3, and I quickly blurted out all 6 numbers and sat back thinking oh that wasn’t so bad. But then she said, “give me the last 3 numbers.” I said, “What?” She says, “yeah there are 9 numbers on line 2.” Imagine my surprise when I look back in and there are only 6 numbers. Now I’m stalling asking her questions as I frantically move my head and cross my eyes in every which direction trying to see 3 more numbers…ohhh what was that…if I crossed my eyes in just the right way, 3 more numbers appeared on the right side of the screen. I quickly said them, sat back and said to Lisa, “Wow that was weird!” The lady behind the counter said, “What do you mean?” I said, “Oh nothing.”

Next we had to stand in line to get our pictures taken. There was 1 person in front of us that was already in process and so we were next in line. Unfortunately they were at a shift change and so we had to wait for the new employee to get set-up to work. Let’s just say she could stand to lose a few pounds and wasn’t exactly moving at warp speed. In fact I believe glaciers move faster. And that was just to get to her desk…next she had to arrange her food and drinks just right and then finally she was ready to log into the computer. Let’s just say the pace she moved at earlier was lightening quick as compared to her typing skills. Not only did she hunt and peck on the keyboard, but for every letter she also chose which finger to use. I’m not even kidding…it was one of the stranger things I’ve witnessed.

Now the real drama began. She couldn’t figure out how to log into the system. 45 minutes later, after multiple phone calls she finally figured it out much to the joy and applause of the now very long line. Now in honor of LOST, let’s flash back to the stories that happened during those 45 minutes. We had a mother and her recently moved in daughter from NYC whom instead of sitting next to each other, sat on opposite sides of the waiting room, at various times laughing, talking, shouting and arguing with each other. And oh yeah, they liked to involve everyone else in their conversations, which at one point grew political and I thought there was going to be a riot. One old guy ended it by saying he had just sent something to Barak Obama that would be very damaging to Hillary Clinton.

Of course with the wait growing longer and longer, people’s patience was growing thinner and thinner. Some continued to wait, others bailed out, but a random guy that worked at the DMV just about pushed me over the edge. He was well over 6 feet tall, had a deep voice and at one point decided he was going to play line patrol. Now mind you this was after about 40 minutes of standing in this second line. He’s basically trying to be helpful, but he’s not. The loud mother tells everyone that he’s her parole officer…I’m not sure if she was kidding or not. He’s then yelling at her about not harassing the customers. Next the old man tells him that he’s from the IRS and they’re in big trouble.

Eventually the lady gets logged into the computer and calls Lisa forward. While that is going on, Rent-a-cop comes to me and informs me that I’m in the wrong line because he can’t see my “_________ form”. Honestly I had no idea what he was talking about but I informed him that I was in the right line because I was where I was told to be and that my wife was already being processed and I’m sure I’ll be fine. He again said that I was in the wrong line because I didn’t have the right paperwork. I wanted to punch the guy right in the throat…I say the throat because that’s all the higher I’d have been able to reach. Instead I ignored him. Finally I get called forward, get my photo done and we were out of there. Total time in the DMV office: 1 hour 37 minutes The fodder for a blog entry: Priceless!